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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28659921">Come Over, I'm Drunk</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wandy_Foster/pseuds/Wandy_Foster'>Wandy_Foster</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Justin Bieber (Musician)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 03:55:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,221</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28659921</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wandy_Foster/pseuds/Wandy_Foster</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I tried not to meet you. You were pulling me down like an anchor dropped from a ship.</p>
<p>That night I went down again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Come Over, I'm Drunk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>that work was originally written in russian but i’ve decided to translate it and publish here too. thanks to my sis and friend T. for motivation and help <br/>sorry for possible mistakes</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Should I tell you how I hated myself every time I caught your eyes on me and felt goosebumps on my skin?</p>
<p>I hate you. Always hated, but still blindly loved.</p>
<p>Why? You have to tell me.</p>
<p>Tell me how you were doing that. I was forgetting and hugging you as if you never hurt me. When we were dancing drunk in your kitchen, you were hugging me around the waist, and I was looking at you and thought that you were the best person in my life.</p>
<p>I hate you. And myself. But I don’t know who of us turned out to be more stupid as we both thought that something good was going to come out of our relationship.</p>
<p>All you did was enjoy my love for you. I know that you loved when I was crying on your shoulder and revealing my secrets. I know that you liked to carry me to bed in your arms, when I couldn’t even stand on my feet after another night with you. Maybe you loved something in me, but definitely not me.</p>
<p>You will never love anyone the same way I loved you. It’s stupid, isn't it? Because now I would rather go through Hell than look into your eyes again.</p>
<p>You once told me that I was beautiful. I was absorbed in my thoughts and didn’t immediately understand what you said. You repeated looking directly at me and watching me blush. Did you enjoy it? Now I’m sure that you enjoyed. Remembering your confident and imperious look, I start to hate myself more, as if it has even the slightest sense.</p>
<p>There is no sense in anything that is about us. Us, that has never been and will never be.</p>
<p>On the last night, when both of us couldn’t sleep, we decided that it was necessary to see each other. I don’t know what I was guided by when I agreed to come to you.</p>
<p>Incoming message, 4:39 a.m.<br/>Justin: Sleeping?</p>
<p>I replied that I wasn’t sleeping. Your message knocked me down, because you hadn’t messaged me for a long time before that.</p>
<p>Incoming message, 4:48 a.m.<br/>Justin: Come over. I miss you.</p>
<p>Did you miss me, or the way I was humiliating and destroying myself for you?</p>
<p>Incoming message, 4:50 a.m.<br/>Justin: I'm waiting for you.</p>
<p>I hate every second of that night from the moment I started getting ready and heading towards you almost in the morning. I didn’t wear makeup because you saw me in all conditions, I had nothing to hide. Driving and looking at the night highway, I only thought about why I was doing this. I didn’t know what to expect. It’s still a mystery to me what you wanted from me on our last night.</p>
<p>What you wanted from «us».</p>
<p>I parked my car on the side of the road. After getting out of the car, I saw you standing on the doorstep of your house. In the orange light of the street lanterns, your face looked even more perfect than usual. You smiled. And it took my breath away again.</p>
<p>«Hi», you said, hugging me with both hands, while I was weakly touching your back with my palm. «How are you? We haven’t seen each other for a long time».</p>
<p>I tried not to meet you. You were pulling me down like an anchor dropped from a ship.</p>
<p>That night I went down again.</p>
<p>There was already a smell of alcohol on you. When we entered the house, where a dim light was already on, I saw your tired eyes. But only now, remembering your eyes, I understand that you were just drunk.</p>
<p>Were you thinking about me while drinking? Were you missing me? Did you want me to come back? Did you want to have fun with me? Whatever it was, I had to reject you. For my own sake.</p>
<p>But I'm glad that I call that night our last night. Because I don’t want another ones.</p>
<p>We sat on the soft sofa in your bedroom, as we always did when we met each other. It was dark in the room. There was only blue light from the TV screen connected to your iPhone. A song unfamiliar to me was playing quietly.</p>
<p>You put your hand on the back of the sofa behind my head and turned to me. You tucked one leg under yourself and asked why I hadn’t slept at such a late time.</p>
<p>I didn’t want to admit that I was being tortured by nightmares. After your leaving, a streak of failures appeared in my life, and that’s why I began to sleep at night very badly. Sometimes I preferred not to close my eyes at all than to see scary dreams again and again.</p>
<p>We hadn’t talked for a long time before you got up and left somewhere. You came back a minute later with an open bottle of whiskey. My heart sank at that moment. I knew no good would come from it.</p>
<p>I knew and did nothing. I just let you pull me down again.</p>
<p>«You should relax», you explained to me, «You look tense».</p>
<p>It was naive to think that it was inconspicuous.</p>
<p>«How will I drive?», I tried to find at least a bit of common sense in myself.</p>
<p>«That’s not a problem. You can stay here».</p>
<p>It definitely meant that we would have to share a bed again. Would you let me sleep separately from you, knowing how the warmth of your naked body next to mine excited me?</p>
<p>We were drinking and talking. The more glasses of whiskey I drank, the more talkative I became. And when I looked at you I saw how pleased you were. You liked when I was talking a lot. After all, you found me when I was still an immature and inexperienced girl that was afraid of the male company. Perhaps, you even raised me as a woman.</p>
<p>And then you destroyed me.</p>
<p>I still told you about my nightmares. You were listening so carefully and holding a glass near your wet lips, that it seemed to me as if all your attention was on me. As if everything in your world revolved around me.</p>
<p>Of course, you knew how to make me feel important and necessary. When you wanted it. When it was profitable for you.</p>
<p>«I don’t understand why we stopped talking like that», you put your glass on the table and then sat back on the sofa.</p>
<p>«I don't understand either», I pretended that it was truth.</p>
<p>But I knew why we had stopped. Because you turned out to be much more cruel than you seemed. People, especially girls, thought you were a real prince on a white horse, and only I saw how arrogant and egocentric you could be. I knew how insensitive and cold you were. You loved attention but didn’t want to give it to anyone in return.</p>
<p>So I knew that you didn’t miss me. You were missing the way I was feeling about you. You knew you were controlling me like a rag doll. You knew where to press so I would obey and do what you wanted.</p>
<p>Why am I suffering at nights after giving away everything I had, while you are sleeping peacefully after breaking my heart over and over again?</p>
<p>I hate you.</p>
<p>I hate myself.</p>
<p>I hate «us».</p>
<p>Your iPhone died and the TV immediately turned off filling the room with darkness. It was dawning very slowly outside the window so the morning dawn hadn’t yet entered the bedroom.</p>
<p>«Can you...», I hiccuped because I was very drunk, «turn on the light, please?»</p>
<p>«Why?»</p>
<p>«Stop it, Justin. You know that I'm afraid of the darkness».</p>
<p>And it also made me very dizzy. I couldn’t remember how many glasses of whiskey I drank. It seemed to me that the darkness around me was moving. Then my head started to hurt.</p>
<p>You put your hand on my knee and moved closer — I heard and felt it. You got so close that our noses touched when I turned my head. It was getting hotter and it wasn’t even about the amount of whiskey that I drank.</p>
<p>And then you said the most absurd thing I've ever heard from you:</p>
<p>«With me you don't have to be afraid of anything».</p>
<p>My worst fear was being next to you. I was afraid not to live up to your expectations, I was afraid not to be good enough, I was afraid to do or say something unnecessary so not to cause your anger or disgust for me.</p>
<p>Justin, it was you who destroyed me and made me have complexes and fears. How did you not understand that?</p>
<p>I felt that you kissed my neck. My body immediately went soft and flinched and it made you grab my knee more tightly and put my leg on yours. You kissed my neck again but more insistently, making me feel how much you wanted me.</p>
<p>Probably, it is good that there was darkness that last night. Because my eyes were starting to water. I realized that I was losing to you again in our unspoken fight.</p>
<p>When you kissed my lips, I let everything go and started crying. You were wiping away my tears silently without asking what happened. Because you knew exactly what was going on.</p>
<p>I think the purpose of your invitation was to push me to the breaking point. You wanted to ruin me. You wanted to prove that I would never be with you as an equal because I wouldn’t have enough willpower and self-esteem for that.</p>
<p>And you got what you wanted.</p>
<p>That last night you took me again. I let you do this. And I was crying, holding on to your shoulders and swallowing your every soft moan. You didn’t say anything or ask. You enjoyed the way I loved you.</p>
<p>You enjoyed the way my hatred for you was fading away and being replaced by a blinding heat of love as soon as you appeared. That heat literally was burning me from inside, eating away at me at nights and making me think that I was still not good enough.</p>
<p>I hate you.</p>
<p>I hate you for all nights we spent in drunken madness and among wrinkled sheets. I hate you for all your words that hurt me and left scars on me. I hate you for all my hopes that «we» would happen someday. It was so stupid. It won’t happen.</p>
<p>We woke up at the same time in the morning. I didn’t even look at you before leaving and you didn’t say a word to me. You just put on your T-shirt and went to shower as if I weren’t in the house.</p>
<p>I hoped that because of the sound of water you didn’t hear me sobbing while picking up my clothes from the floor and getting dressed. It hurt me to look at myself in the mirror but I did it. I saw red hickeys on my neck which weren’t going away for almost a week and a half after that night.</p>
<p>You didn’t find me when you left the bathroom. I'm sure you didn’t care because you got what you wanted.</p>
<p>When I was driving home after our last night I was crying and made myself a promise that this wouldn’t happen again. I was more angry at myself than at you. I lost my self-esteem, my confidence in myself. I hated every inch of my body because you touched each of them.</p>
<p>You didn’t text me anymore. I deleted your number. I tried to do everything to forget you. I was working more, talking more with friends, reading books and watching films more, ignoring those that you and I had watched together.</p>
<p>Perhaps, that last night when I was broken into pieces again it was the beginning of my new life. Perhaps, its real purpose was showing me that I have had enough. It seemed like that night put an end to my old worthless life and gave a way to the beginning of a new one where I would love myself.</p>
<p>I loved you as much as I hated. My feelings gave me wings, made me fly above the clouds and then cut them off, allowing me to crash on the ground.</p>
<p>You killed me but you didn’t expect that I would ever come to life again. I didn’t count on it myself too. It turns out that life without you is possible and it is even better than the one with you.</p>
<p>I‘m relieved again. I feel so alive now. My nightmares left me alone. I fall asleep and wake up thinking that the new day will be even better than the previous one. At some point, I realized that it all depended on me. At first I fell in love with myself and then the world fell in love with me. When I was overwhelmed I realized that there wouldn’t be nothing worse. And I had to rebuilt myself. And I did it.</p>
<p>But then my perfect life has begun to split.</p>
<p>That split has a name.</p>
<p>Incoming message, 10:21 p.m.<br/>Unknown number: Wanna come over? I miss you.</p>
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